2009 was a tough year. It was a true test of my faith. It forced me to look in the mirror and say, Okay, Stacy. Do you really believe what you say you believe?
Prior to last year, I had said numerous times that God had just really protected me over the years. He had delivered me from circumstances that could have been devastating. He put great friends in my path. He poured out blessing after blessing upon my life. I knew that I was held in the palm of His hand. You could say that I was quite confident in His ability to protect and provide. And…it felt good.
Then…came 2009. There were health issues and financial stresses and changing of plans and everything just seemed so…up in the air and unsettled. Everything just appeared to be out of control.
Suddenly, to be quite honest, I was not as confident as I was before. I began to almost expect disappointment and pain. It was as if a large, grey cloud had taken up residence over my head. I willingly traded in my joy for despair. The worst part? I didn’t even realize it was happening.
Then…I read these words.
So don’t throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. – Hebrews 10:35 HCSB
I love that the word used here for confidence is not just ordinary it will be okay kind of confidence. It means a free and fearless confidence. It is cheerful courage. It is boldness. It is assurance. It is confidence in the face of crisis. And those things can not be taken from me. I can, however, throw them away. I can take my eyes off of God and focus on my circumstances. I can choose to forego the peace and joy promised to me. I can choose, instead, to wallow in doubt and self pity.
Today…I choose to keep my confidence, which has a great reward. I have confidence that He is still in control. I have confidence that He is still the Prince of Peace and the God of all creation. I have confidence that He neither slumbers nor sleeps and that His eye is on the sparrow. I have confidence in His ability to protect and provide.
And…it feels good.