Trust

I have a troubled relationship with windshield wipers.

You see, my Honda and I were really good friends…for years.  Really…years.  I bragged on her and she served me well.

Then, one day, it rained.  And there, in the middle of a thunderstorm, on the interstate, driving 80 mph exactly whatever the speed limit was…the wipers broke.  And, when I say broke, I don’t mean they simply stopped working.  I mean the driver’s side wiper arm snapped backwards and began beating violently against the side of the car.  I was left with no option but to roll down the window and stick my head out so that I could maneuver through the traffic.  Did I mention it was pouring down rain?

My husband fixed those wipers but, the ol’ Honda and I, we never could quite get back to where we were.  I just didn’t trust the old girl anymore.  She had to go.

So, I found a new love.  A Buick this time.  Oh, the leather seats, the sun roof, the butt warmer for those frosty mornings.  I was feeling the warm fuzzies again.  Yes, this relationship could work just fine.  And we had a swell time with our warm bottoms in the winter and our hair blowing in the breeze in the summer.

Then, one day, it rained.  And there, in the middle of a thunderstorm, the wipers broke.  The wiper came out of the arm and there I am in the middle of the morning commute with nothing but plastic scraping across my windows.  The rain got harder and I couldn’t see and I was forced to stick. my. head. out. of. the. window.

And, my husband fixed them.  Yet, I just don’t trust them anymore.  Every time it rains, I get a knot in my stomach and an irrational panic sets in that I just can’t shake.  I only use them on low…letting the windshield completely fill up with rain drops until I just can’t wait any longer…then I quickly turn it on for one swipe and then right back off again.  I just don’t trust them to do their job.

You see…I have been let down.

And, as I drove home the other day, it started to rain.  And, I felt God say…You trust me about as much as you trust those wipers.

Sometimes, God just shocks me with His holy insight.  Could it be true?  It’s been a roller coaster of a ride in recent months.  Health issues, car issues, unexpected expenses, unexpected potential blessings that don’t pan out.  As my husband so aptly describes it…death by a thousand cuts. Nothing that, to someone on the outside, would seem monumental.  Not even large cuts…like paper cuts.  But, still.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

And, I had to ask myself…Do I trust Him? I still pray.  I still read the Bible.  I still go to church.  But, do I still trust Him?  Do I still believe that He has great plans for me, that He knows what I need and that He will never leave me?

Then I read these words…

The price of redeeming him is too costly.

Christ paid an incomprehensible price for my freedom.  He endured humiliation and torment and a cruel cross and He counts it all as worth it to spend an eternity with me.

Our redemption was, indeed, costly.  Yet, we did not and could not pay the price.  Only God’s son was precious enough to purchase redemption and so God gave Him up to be humiliated…for me – unworthy though I am.  He knew, no matter what earthly possessions I acquired, it would never be enough to satisfy a holy and righteous God.  Yet, He longed to spend eternity with me.  How is that for a mind blower?  We all look forward and long for the day when we get to see Him and just be in His presence and so we wait.  BUT – He is also waiting and longing and preparing for an eternity with us.

And, one day, we will be there with Him and we will look back on the trials and annoyances and heartache and suffering that we endured and we will say, It was all worth it to be here with You. And He will look back at the mockery and shame and the cross and He will say, It was all worth it to be here with you.

I don’t want to look back and say, I should have trusted You more.

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2 thoughts on “Trust

  1. Heather Conrad says:

    Hi Stacy! Just read your post on (in)courage, so timely for my sister, and I just had to share. You have a beautiful gift with words. It reads so naturally. Your transparency in weaknesses only draws others closer to one who is the giver of all (especially strength). Keep writing.

    Like

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