My husband helps me pick out a new journal because he believes in me and in my words that will fill the empty pages. He smiles when I talk with excitement about writing – he appreciates the passion that I have for the written word.
I filter my words though. I write something like this and I do it on another site and tell no one I know that it is there. And it touches the hearts of strangers and I feel unworthy.
Such insecurity – it is what prevents me from writing most days. It is what causes me to hold my tongue at times. It’s what makes me choose the grey sweater over the brightly colored one.
My husband wisely points out that insecurity is not a fruit of the Spirit. It is not from God. Boldness, not insecurity, is a mark of the Holy Spirit.
For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love and sound judgement. –2 Timothy 1:7
As I sat in a room this morning with thousands of others, I prayed silently for boldness. I prayed for strength to write the words He gives me – whether for public viewing or privately in my journal. I prayed for the boldness to praise Him unashamedly.
And I thanked Him for His boldness – for His Word – for His shameless love for me. He did not love me in silence for fear of embarrassing Himself. He did not filter His Word. He laid it all out there – professing His love for me to the whole world.